A former prisoner has posted a hilarious TripAdvisor review of his night spent in a South Yorkshire Police jail cell.
The reviewer gives it only half a mark out of five and comically describes the 'hotel' as 'nothing but four walls and a mattress' following a stay at Shepcote Lane Custody Suite in Sheffield in November.
The review states: "An all-inclusive hotel in a central location, very small portions and bland food. Although it does represent good value for money.
"The hotel is a little dated and my single room was rather small and very basic. Four white walls with nothing else to do but stare at them surrounding me and I wasn’t even allowed any visitors.
"No windows except for a poky little skylight above which let a little light in. I had a toilet but the stench of sewage filled my entire room and I didn’t even have a shower. Instead of a comfortable bed, I found myself sleeping on a metal block with what felt like a two-and-a-half inches thick waterproof mattress."
It adds: "It was either deathly quiet or I could hear footsteps of someone walking along the corridor and shouting from other guests. One night I was rudely woken up by the guy in the room next door with his bad language echoing off my walls.
"The staff were very pleasant. This hotel is not luxury in any way. I checked in after a night out, and won’t be returning any time soon."
A spokesperson for South Yorkshire Police said they spotted the review and 'just had to reply'.
The force posted on the travel review site: "Dear guest, thank you for taking the time to review your recent stay at Shepcote Lane Custody Suite.
"We are sorry to hear that you didn’t find your stay satisfactory. Bearing in mind your visit was completely free, we have to agree with some of the points you’ve raised. Yes the room is small and yes it’s a pretty uncomfortable bed, the mattress is waterproof for hygiene reasons.
"We’re pleased you found our staff pleasant, they did look after you well and kept you fed and watered, what more could you ask for.
"If you wanted to end your night in a more comfortable and luxurious hotel, then we’d recommend that you do not carry a knife on a night out. If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t have stopped you and you wouldn’t have spent the night at Shepcote Lane Custody Suite.
"See you at your sentencing."