I have a feeling that this week’s column will find solidarity from across the board.
It was revealed recently that when it comes to dining out, us Brits want to eat our dinner off plates.
“But we already do, don’t we?.” I hear you cry.
Oh no. Not a bit of if these days.
Anyone who has eaten out a number of Doncaster restaurants recently (we’ll not name and shame here) will have more than likely found themselves eating off anything but a traditional, white, round plate.
We’ve all been afflicted with the curse of modern dining – order a meal and it arrives, not on a dinner plate, but artfully arranged on a piece of slate, a wooden board or worse.
Diners across Britain are being presented with chips in plant pots, fried breakfasts in kilner jars and even food - human food - in dog bowls.
But it seems we’ve finally had enough of the arty, hipster rubbish and there’s a backlash under way.
A poll by YouGov has found that customers are overwhelmingly in favour of round plates.
The survey asked 2,030 people to rate various means of presenting food. The circular plate met the approval of 99 per cent, but only 69 per cent said they like eating from a slate, and just 64 per cent said it was acceptable to eat from a wooden board.
The least favourable receptacle was a shoe, even if the shoe is clean and has never been worn. It might sound an unlikely means of serving food, but it is by no means rare.
Twitter account @wewantplates has been collecting photographic evidence of restaurant crimes for the past two years, with its 136,000 followers sending in the most heinous examples.
They include squid rings served in a clog and bread rolls in a metal stiletto.
Other examples collated by the site include gravy in a beer can, chocolate pudding on a garden trowel, waffles in a dog bowl, mushy peas in a latte glass and baked beans on a shovel.
One restaurant also serves its cheese board on a skateboard.
Thankfully, most of the nonsense above hasn’t spread as far as Doncaster - yet! But it will if we let it. Coffee shops took over the world and our plates will be next.
However, there are plenty of places locally serving up dinner on chunks of wood or slabs of slate.
And there are probably just as many restaurants sending out food on square and rectangular plates, which in my eyes – while still plates– are just as bad.
I once ate a meal off a trapezoid (Google it) platter and, on another occasion, my chips were served up in a tiny little fish friar’s basket.
OK, they might be a talking point and “funny” or “cute” and go down well with the likes of Heston Blumenthal, but I’m with the crowd – we want plates and we want them now.
So if you get your next meal served up on a tennis racket, you know what to do!