Drivers of a certain make of car may want to look away from this week’s column.
For if you live in Doncaster and own or drive a BMW, the following is not going to make for pretty reading.
And that’s because I’ve got real beef with those who choose that particular automotive brand as their particular choice of wheels.
Now I’m sure there are plenty of BMW drivers who drive responsibly. Well, perhaps. Maybe there’s one or two somewhere.
But I’ve certainly not encountered them on the town’s roads.
Instead, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been involved in some sort of incident with a driver sporting that little blue and white circular badge on their car.
Cut-up, overtaken in dangerous situations, being zoomed past at about 120mph on the motorway, I’ve seen it all.
The other day, I was driving along the A19. I could see that distinctive BMW frontage in my rear view mirror, the driver sat anxiously behind me, trundling through Whitley and sticking to the 30mph speed limit.
I instinctively knew what was about to happen.
As soon as we exited the village and the limit went back up to 60mph, the foot went down and he raced past, leaving me trailing behind in a cloud of dust and burnt rubber.
By the time we arrived in Askern, because of a build-up in traffic in front, I was right back on his tail again, his manoeuvre having gained him one car length and about two seconds of time.
Wow. That must have made all the difference to the journey.
Perhaps when Beemer drivers pass their test they are also handed a certificate giving them complete and utter ownership of the nation’s highways and byways and which allows them to drive like a maniac.
That can be the only reason for another incident I witnessed several years ago.
I was driving down Wheatley Hall Road - and the inner lane out of town had been coned off. Like most sets of roadworks, nothing was actually going on behind the coned off section, something I was grumbling to myself about as we slowly rolled along in single file towards our destinations.
One BMW driver had spotted this empty lane and I and other drivers watched in amazement and anger as he snaked between the cones, put his foot down and raced down the empty carriageway, the rules of the road seemingly not applying to him.
Imagine my delight a few moments later then, when I eventually caught up with said driver desperately trying to wrench a flattened cone out from underneath his car, backed only by a soundtrack of jeering, laughter, car horns and hand gestures from me and others, overjoyed at watching his comeuppance.
So, BMW drivers, prove me wrong.
Show me you can drive sensibly and safely on Doncaster’s roads. In the meantime, feel free to cut me up. Again.