Rogers Rants - There is no blanket solution

After revealing my pathetic inability to fasten a duvet cover, on this column a few weeks ago, I can report I have now become an authority on the matter.

Stung by the derision of family, friends and colleagues, who all gave me “correct” advice on how to complete this most mundane of tasks, I embarked on an odyssey to discover the definitive duvet Nirvana.

And after scouring the Internet, I road-tested several techniques, from the methodical, the downright dangerous, from the theatrical – to verging on the ridiculous.

The most imaginative involves dressing up in the cover like a cartoon ghost. Then you grab hold of the corners of the duvet and dance about, shaking it until the cover miraculously inches up your body and transfers along the length of the duvet.

Another contrived machination involves reaching inside the cover and grabbing the corners inside-out, until they poke out. Place the corner of the duvet to the “poking out” corner. With your “outside” hand, pull both the corner of the cover and the duvet itself. You’re now pulling the duvet up inside, holding on to both it and the corner at the same time... this one is rubbish.

Another improbable method involves grabbing either top corner of the duvet and pushing them into their corresponding spots inside the cover, holding onto one with your teeth, until you can manoeuvre it over a bannister. Tug randomly and the rest simply drops into place. NOTE: BE CAREFUL NOT TO FOLLOW THE DUVET OVER THE EDGE OF THE BANNISTER AND DOWN THE STAIRS.

One scientific modus operandi imitates the effect of having a human assistant and involved special clips to hold the bottom corners in place, whilst shaking from the top.

But my favourite – and the one I settled on – is this: Insert your arms into the inside-out cover, grab the corners together with the duvet corners and gather it up as if the duvet cover is one huge glove puppet. Simply shake vigorously and Voila! job’s a good ‘un.

Thanks to everyone who contributed. And if any one has any further duvet-inspired ideas – please keep them to yourself as I am now moving on with the remainder of my life.