Ne-ne-ne-ne woo-ooo! They’ve gone! The mysterious black obelisks that landed on Mexborough High Street all those years ago, have disappeared as mysteriously as they arrived.
Nobody knows when – because like the Tardis, they just sat there unnoticed, over the years, acquiring camouflage layers of cigarette ash, and unhealthy smears of kebab grease and sick.
They were, we were told “help points”.
You were supposed to press a button and speak into a grille, whereupon a disembodied voice would proffer advice, as a thug rained blows upon your head.
Or give emergency directions to the nearest public convenience if you were taken short in the town centre.
But it appears not many folks ever did.
Over the years they remained unused and unloved. Children and OAPs gave them a wide berth as they sporadically emmitted frightening bursts of white noise or beeps.
Dogs cut out the middle-man and used them AS public conveniences!
So where have they gone?
They upped sticks, borough-wide... leaving just a black square patch to mark their existence.
Were they vaporised by aliens? Did they transmute through the ether into a parallel dimension?
Perhaps they have been coralled by their master, Mayor Davies, in a final inter–galactic assault against a Dalek invasion force.
Or perhaps they have – as predicted on this page, long ago – risen up against him and have him surrounded in the Mansion House.
Maybe they are now moving in long silent lines down Cleethorpes beach, where they will eventually submerge, Godzilla-like, into the murky depths.
Who knows? And indeed, more to the point – who cares?